posted by Scotty at 2:54 AM
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November 27 - Tried one of those weird sweet potatoes I always see those guys selling on the street. Pretty good.
- Had a fascinating class about how to innovate to take advantage of the Chinese market
November 26 - Ate 8 pieces of street BBQ in one sitting. Poor lamb (or cat).
November 25 - Fetish show, Part II. More of the same. Still weird. The Reverend put a string of firecrackers in his boxers and lit them off.
November 24 - Indoor skiing! I have come to the conclusion that Chinese people ski the same way that they drive: with no regard for human life, including their own.
November 23 - Oh. my. God. So, at that Canadian convention thingamajig we met a guy that arranges weird stuff in Shanghai. He invited us to an "invite-only" S&M Fetish party which is apparently quite illegal in Shanghai. Tons of people were wearing crazy clothes and this one guy was being dragged around on a leash. The main act (this is apart from the dancing transvestite, and schoolgirl act) was the Reverend B. Dangerous. Definitely the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. He took a drill and drilled a hole in his face, then hammered a nail into the hole, and THEN decided to put a screwdriver in there for good measure. Other stunts included: Stapling a shirt to his body, tongue and forehead, piercing his skin with needles, lying on a bed of glass and getting Colleen and Courtenay to stand on him, putting his face into the same bed of glass and having the fattest guy stand on his head, lifting a suitcase and flinging it around with first his tongue, then his nipples (which have been ripped off and superglued three times) and a whole bunch of other disturbing stuff. Unbelievable.
Reverend B. Dangerous at his best.
November 22 - Uhhhhhh.... This day is forever blotted from my memory.
November 21 - Dog in a raincoat
- Rian is now officially the person that remembers strange things that happen each day
November 20 - Heard the Chinese version of "Hey Jude" blasting upon stepping out the front door.
- Saw an entire family (one boy, one mom, one dad) on a scooter
- One of the French people's computers interrupted class by proclaiming "Previously on Lost"
- Green tea flavoured condoms. Need I say more?
- Had dinner with the Dean of UVic Business who was passing through. Free food rules.
- Proof that Rian and I have been roommates too long. You had to be there, it's not actually funny written down anyway. "So whatcha got in there?"
November 19 - Attended the 9th Annual Shanghai Terry Fox Run. Amazingly, Gordon Campbell of all people was on hand for the opening ceremony. It was quite the event with a massive dragon boat, musicians, dancers, and some killer warm-up exercises. Sometimes the conflicts between our culture and the Chinese culture really get me down over here, but this event restored my faith completely. More than 10,000 Chinese people showed up to run 8 km for a cure. (Well, a bunch of people cheated, but their hearts were in the right place). Everyone was really helpful, and I was officially granted my Chinese name:
(ke te)- I'm tempted to stop recording the accidents that I see, since they are almost commonplace now. Unfortunately, this one was quite grisly. The whole situation was amazingly surreal and I almost felt like I was in a movie. It was night time, with the rain pouring down, and a crowd of people wearing multicoloured parkas were kneeling in front of a prone figure. The whole scene was dimly lit by the surrounding street lights. The victim showed no signs of movement, and I really hope he's ok.
November 15 - Had my purchases rung up on an abacus. Awesome.
- Saw a "Hello Kitty" gear shift protector. ... . I'm not kidding. Ladies, if you're angry at your spouse/boyfriend/ex, I can't think of a gift that a man could possibly want less.
- Tried out some famous rice noodles. Ate so slowly that we ended up sharing our table with 3 different sets of people.
- Began learning Chinese while in a restaurant overlooking the Shanghai Museum and the Shanghai Urban Exhibition Center
November 14 - Saw a cat fast asleep on a pile of counterfeit DVDs. Ok, I realize this isn't all that strange and that I'm really reaching here, but I took most of the day off so don't bother me.
November 13 - Saw the aftermath of an accident. Collision between a scooter and car further sullies my theory that Chinese people are invulnerable.
- Saw a 20-something year-old casually taking a piss against the side of a building on a major sidewalk... and now I know why nobody is EVER barefoot. Ever.
November 12 - Went skating on the 8th floor of a mall. Saw at least 1,800 falls.
- Ate snails
- My cell phone has been teddy bearified
November 11 - Remembrance Day! (Or in China, they celebrate the almost-as-valuable Singles Day)
- Saw fireworks from my window
- Found out about http://mp3.baidu.com, perhaps the greatest and most illegal free mp3 site ever.
November 10 - Fish in the metro
- Had Korean BBQ all you can eat, 68 yuan (less than $10!). Amazing views and crazy nice restaurant, how can it be so cheap?
November 9 - Was called a "fu**er" in broken english by some hooligans less than a minute after I walked out my front door
- Saw the aftermath of an accident. Poor guy was lying facedown in the middle of the street with his legs at a strange angle. A cop was standing over the victim, directing traffic away from him. No blood fortunately, he'll be fine.
- Found out that if I ever have a day where nothing strange happens, I should just make my way down to good old Zhongshan Park. While there, I saw:
- Saw the slowest moving fire truck in the history of the world. Even with sirens blaring, no one, including a cop car, made any effort to get out of the way. Some people even jaywalked in front of it. Unbelievable.
I wish my camera worked so I could add some pictures :(
November 8 - Saw a chick in her 20s thoroughly digging for nose gold on the subway. This was not a slight pick or itch, this was full on nasal domination. Meticulous examination of the findings ensued.
- Upon stepping off the subway, noticed a male also intent on getting rid of those pesky boogers
- Ate a slice of "fruit pizza" which had cheese, cherries, mango, and pineapple. Scrumptious!
- The French kids were held after class and lectured by an American professor for being disrespectful to the teacher, zut alors!
November 7 - Was invited to and attended the Canada China Business Council's Mixer, received free pizza, beer and met Sergio Marchi, some guy who is supposed to be pretty important (formerly Canada's International Trade Minister and Canada's Ambassador to the WTO)
- The mixer moved to a fringe concert where this amazing actress put on a one-woman show of I, Claudia. Pretty cool and disturbing at the same time.
November 6 - Ate a sandwich at 431 km/h on the MagLev
- Surprise! Our class now has 25 new, ridiculously arrogant Frenchies!
November 5 - Ate hairy crabs in a restaurant in the middle of Yang Cheng Lake with padre
November 4 - Saw an albino monk begging for money on the subway.
- Was informed by UVic that I can replace an entire class by simply writing a book report by December 15th... score (unfortunately I can't write it on the latest Jane Austen novel. I have a choice between: The World Is Flat: A Brief History Of The Twenty-first Century by Thomas L. Friedman or Failed States by Noam Chomsky. Suggestions?)
November 3 - Saw an albino Chinese woman on Nanjing Road
- Helped physically pull a guy out of the subway who was trapped behind a bunch of people. That was fun.
November 2 - Hongdeqiao road was blocked off by a bunch of people wearing red and white clothes. There were huge speakers playing Chinese music and a large red carpet where a bunch of older women were dancing in what can only be described as a disorganized mess.
- Saw two blind people in 5 minutes
- Saw a pedestrian get knocked over by a bike. Shouting in Chinese ensued.
- 11:30 PM. I had to add this one. A giant cockroach just walked over my bare foot in the bathroom. I'm all jumpy right now.
November 1 - Went to a wild concert for the 2008 Beijing Olympics featuring all of your favourite Chinese pop stars. It was pretty amazing, so many people had glow sticks and moved them in time with the music. Saw an older man there plugging his ears while the only rock band played. I have never seen anyone hear (<--- get it? pun!! wow, that's lame) plug their ears, not even from the squealing brakes, continuously honking horns or screeching subway sirens. It just goes to show that rock 'n roll affects that generation the same way all over the world.
October 31 - Saw a Chinese midget.
October 30 - Saw two huge rats lying in the middle of the sidewalk trying to pull themselves forward with their front legs. Clearly poisoned. Gross.
The following dates are correct, and I'm sure I saw strange things on the days that are not included, but I just can't remember them.
October 28 - Halloween Party in a bomb shelter.
October 24 - On my way to meet Dad at the airport, I was briefly resting my eyes on the subway. My sixth sense must have triggered since I opened my eyes just in time to avoid the strange liquid that was rapidly approaching my feet. I noticed that one of my fellow passengers was not as lucky and ended up soaking his business shoes in urine from a four year-old kid that decided that now would be a good time to relieve himself.
posted by Scotty at 1:49 AM
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Scott was born in the small Icelandic town Reykjanes where he learned how to catch fish with his teeth. Upon graduating third in his class of seven, he decided to explore the world. He is currently living in Shanghai where he has been voted "The Most Eligible Bachelor of China" four years running. This blog intends to reveal the true man behind the myth.
